Explain what pleases you

Q: When my partner is doing something for my pleasure, I sometimes feel that I want it done a little differently. Since there are some things I can’t feel, I seem to care a lot more about the details of what I can feel. I really want them done just right, but I’m afraid that my partner will be hurt and think that I don’t consider her a good lover.
A: Your question is about the most basic skill for lovers – communication!
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How to explain your body

Q: For the first time since my disability, I’m about to be intimate with someone, but I’m very nervous about having to explain about my body. How do I tell them what they need to know without scaring them off?
A: Yes, this is a scary moment, but the most important thing you can do to begin an intimate relationship is to share with your partner what you know and feel about your body and your sexuality. It takes a little getting used to, but I promise you that it will give you both the best chance of a deep and enjoyable intimacy.
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Facing The Perils Of Dating

I ve often encountered a problem while dating: when to tell my date I have a disability – the first date or the fifth? Do I wait until my clothes are off to tell him I ve got hair growing on my back? Do I wait until I’m at the church door to mention that my two-step down the aisle will not be to the Wedding March rhythm?
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Joys and cautions of falling in love

Do you find yourself singing mushy love songs in the middle of the day? Are you excited whenever you hear that special person?s name or voice? Does your heart feel like it?s going to leap out of your chest at the sight of him or her? If you answered yes, you just might be falling in love. Love is wonderful, but don?t be fooled. Take it nice and slow and things will go smoothly.
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Intimacy and grief

Q: I’m with a new partner, and she’s having some very deep, painful feelings about my disability. I’m not quite sure how to respond, and feel a little confused about it, but I know I don’t want her to pity me. How do I deal with this?
A: There’s a big difference between pity and grief. Pity implies that you’re tragic, and puts you into an inferior position. Grief is an honest response to loss. Pity often sprouts from excessive myths about disability as horror. Grief is rooted in real caring. It needs to be expressed.
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Battle obstacles to dating

Q: As someone with a disability, what do you find to be the biggest obstacle to dating?
A: When I was looking for that special someone, I would have to say the biggest obstacle would have to be other peoples’ perceptions, or misconceptions, about my disability. Let’s face it, in the beginning, dating is usually about packaging.
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Siblings affect relationships

Every relationship you form, from friends in high school to your lifetime partner, is influenced by growing up with a brother or sister with a disability. When you are young and bring friends home from school, you often use your brother or sister with a disability as a kind of litmus test. If your friend doesn?t feel comfortable with your sibling, or worse, makes fun of him, or says something insensitive like,
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On Seeing a Sex Surrogate

In 1983, I wrote an article about sex and disabled people. In interviewing sexually active men and women, I felt removed, as though I were an anthropologist interviewing headhunters while endeavoring to maintain the value-neutral stance of a social scientist. Being disabled myself, but also being a virgin, I envied these people ferociously.
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An Interview with Vena Blanchard

Vena Blanchard has been a professional surrogate partner (and advocate for ethical surrogate practice) for the last 20 years. She is the current president of the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA) and is also their senior trainer. She has written and spoken extensively about sex therapy, surrogate partner therapy, and the dynamics of sexuality and change.
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Sex Surrogates: A Clarification of Their Functions

Preface to the World Wide Web Version (Millennium Edition): This research was conducted during 1983 for my culminating project for my master’s degree at New York University, which was granted in February 1984. It has been cited often in the years since that time and remains the definitive research on the subject of what sex surrogates actually do in their therapeutic activities with clients in sex therapy.
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SEX SURROGATES: A CLARIFICATION OF THEIR FUNCTIONS

Sex surrogate therapy, while becoming a growing practice since its introduction as a highly effective therapeutic modality by Masters and Johnson, remains today an area of controversy with complex legal, moral, ethical, professional, and clinical implications. Misconceptions about who the sex surrogates are and what they do are shared by both the public and professional community alike, with the greatest confusion still seeming to exist about the role of the surrogate with that of the prostitute. What are the functions of a sex surrogate and in what perspective can we put them to give us a better understanding of surrogate therapy in relation to sexological theory?
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The Ethics of Sex Therapy

Psychiatrists and other therapists are obligated by medical ethics not to have sex with their patients, but “surrogate partners” are supposed to and that simple but loaded dichotomy goes to the heart of the little understood yet much maligned therapeutic practice of sex surrogacy.
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Interview With a Sex Therapist

Although Dr. Ruth’s name may be known by millions of people, those “in the know” – and we are in the know — consider, Dr. Marty Klien, to be just about the last word in the field of sex therapy. Author of “Your Sexual Secrets” (published by Dutton), and, more recently “Ask Me Anything: A Sex Therapist Answers the Most Important Questions for the ’90s” (published by Fireside/Simon & Schuster), Marty Klein has been a consistent voice of sanity and good sense in a sometimes, well, flakey field.
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