Q: What was your most embarrassing dating experience?
A: Well, it wasn’t technically a dating experience, because I never got that far…

I almost forgot about this, or maybe I just blocked it out, but now I?ll share it with the iCan community. Several years ago, I went to a club with a couple of friends to see a band we liked. I hadn?t been dating anyone for a little while, and I was feeling a bit down. All around me there were happy couples enjoying the music, and it was making me feel even worse. Finally, I just told myself to snap out of it. I was out to have a few beers with friends and enjoy the band, and that was what I was going to do.

Then it happened; a girl from my neighborhood approached me. I hadn?t seen Marie for years, but after saying hello to each other, we soon fell into conversation about what we had been doing since we last saw each other. Then, by complete surprise, she told me that she wanted me to go with her the next time she went out. I couldn?t believe it – here was this attractive girl asking me out! She said that she?d have no trouble driving my van, and said that she wouldn?t even mind pushing around the wheelchair. Incredible!

Just a side note – the chair that I use is what?s called a sip and puff electric wheel chair. It works by air pressure that is regulated by a straw, into which I sip or puff to move and steer the chair. I usually hit the cut-off switch with my head to park it, in which case I have to give a hard puff to initialize it so I can move it again. With me in it, the chair probably weighs over 400 pounds.

Back to my story – I was on cloud nine over the whole situation. Then, the inevitable male urge to impress the female kicked in. I had to show her that I could move the chair on my own. My plan was simple – I?d initialize the chair and gently pivot it back and forth to show her how I?ve mastered the intricacies of motorized wheelchair driving. Unfortunately, in my excitement, I forgot that the chair was already initialized (of course, the three beers I had could have had something to do with forgetting this). More unfortunate was that the command to initialize the chair was the same command to move the chair forward if it?s already initialized. Even more unfortunate, was that, since the music was loud, Marie was standing very close to the chair and leaning over me with her head in front of mine so we could hear each other.

So, I set my plan into motion…literally. I gave the chair a hard puff and took off like a quad out of hell. Since Marie is so close, I ran over her foot. Since she was leaning over me, we clunked heads. Furthermore, since her hair is long, it tangled with the straw I use to control my chair, pulling it out of my reach. In 2.3 seconds, I went from impressive stud to out-of-control wheelchair boy, streaming across the dance floor. Once I realized what was happening, I was able to hit the cut-off switch to stop the chair and the impending carnage.

There I sat, halfway across the room from Marie. Not only did I fail to impress her, but also, by running over her foot with my heavy chair, I probably caused her a disability of her own. I was mortified. When Marie finally hobbled over to me, all I could do was beg forgiveness. Fortunately, she was very gracious about the whole thing. After I made sure she was ok, we said our goodbyes for the night. She said she would call me, but I knew it wasn?t meant to be. I even called her the next day to see if she really was all right.

As you can imagine, we never did get together. And that was my most embarrassing semi-dating experience. Aren’t you glad you asked?

George Butera has been paralyzed from the shoulders down since he was 18 years old. Send your thoughts or questions on dating and romance to him at mailto:gbutera@icanonline.net

Ican.com
April 17, 2001