Q: As someone with a disability, what do you find to be the biggest obstacle to dating?
A: When I was looking for that special someone, I would have to say the biggest obstacle would have to be other peoples’ perceptions, or misconceptions, about my disability. Let’s face it, in the beginning, dating is usually about packaging.
We see what we want, what we’re attracted to, and we pursue it. Then, if we’re successful, we get to find out what that person is really all about. However, few people are tempted to pursue someone with an obvious disability, so it’s harder to get to that “getting to know you” stage. I’ve found that it’s only after someone really gets to know me and discovers I have more to offer than they first perceived, I become more “datable.” That’s why I have always made an effort to help people to see past the disability and show them who I really am. It wasn’t always easy, but I often found the effort to be worth it.
However, once you find someone to date, there’s another obstacle to overcome: accessibility. There have been quite a few times when I’ve wanted to go someplace special with my girlfriend, only to find it wasn’t wheelchair accessible. Some restaurants still make you go through the kitchen. I don’t know about you, but no matter how good the restaurant is, for some reason I lose my appetite after seeing the kitchen. Then, once you make it to the dining area, the tables are so close together, it’s often difficult to maneuver around them without making people get up to let you by. Fortunately, many places are getting better with accessibility. Movie theaters, for instance, have improved dramatically. And I’ve found it’s often nice to go somewhere like a park for an outdoor concert.
With that said, I’d like to add that that these obstacles can all be overcome. Be resourceful and creative. Find a way. Believe me, the benefits far outweigh any trouble you might have.
George Butera has been paralyzed from the shoulders down since he was 18 years old. Send your thoughts or questions on dating and romance to him at mailto:guyspoint@icanonline.net
Icanonline.net
October 18, 2000