Communicating is the heart of every relationship, especially a romantic one. Without communication, what is the point in being together? At first, communication might be easy. Early in the relationship, people are on their best behavior, and getting along is practically effortless. As time goes on, communication tends to get more difficult, because people are more comfortable with each other and tend to let their true selves out, complete with faults, fears and feelings.

Timing is everything when communicating a sensitive subject. Late at night, right after work, or when he or she is in a bad mood is not a good time to bring up an issue. Pick a good time for you both. Remember to stick with the issue and not the past arguments that you have had. Use ?I? language by saying, ?I feel?? or ?I want?? instead of pointing the finger and saying ?You? constantly. Keep in mind what your tone of voice is saying, as well as your words.

When an argument becomes heated and you start to say hurtful things, it is recommended to take a timeout. A timeout can occur during an argument at any time for any reason. The rules for timeouts are to say when you will come back, finish the discussion calmly and not get angry with someone for taking a timeout. Timeouts can save your feelings and your relationship.

Listening is also a good habit to get into. Don?t interrupt when your loved one is telling you something. What he or she has to say is important. Repeat back what you heard, and the other person can clear up any misunderstandings. Communication is a two way street that involves the talker and listener. Both of you have these roles at some point in the discussion.

The purpose of communicating is not to hurt one another, but to convey a message. You both love each other, so it is important to be nice to one another. Treat him or her as a friend and with respect. Yelling and calling names will benefit neither the conversation nor the relationship. If you love each other, you want to treat each other in the best possible way. Apologize when you hurt feelings or act rudely.

Jessica McFarlane writes and teaches about relationships. Contact her at talkaboutlove@icanonline.net

Icanonline.net
March 26, 2001