As a child, making friends usually comes easy. Schoolmates, teammates and kids in the neighborhood are always around, ready for fun. But as you get older and find yourself immersed in daily responsibilities, finding and developing friendships can be more difficult.

Having a disability can add another element of difficulty to finding and making friends. Perhaps your confidence level is not where you would like it to be and it’s hard for you to make the first move. Or maybe you’re not sure how someone without a disability will view you. If you are ready to make and be a friend, the following tips will help get you on your way:

Start internally: You have to believe you worthy of good, loyal friendship. Take a look at what you have to offer a friend. Are you a good listener? Funny? Can you talk about a diverse set of topics? Know what your strong points are and use them.

Get out there: How are you going to meet people if you’re not around people? There are a wide variety of places to meet people (besides a bar scene). You can join a church group, book club, a disability-related organization or any other club that interests you. Get involved in a sport such as handcycling. Volunteer for a cause about which you are passionate. If getting out is difficult for you, there are a number of friendship sites on the Internet where you can chat with or e-mail people who share your interests.

Make the first move: Don’t be afraid to approach someone who interests you and introduce yourself. Engage in conversation by mentioning something that might interest that person, compliment his or her outfit, mention an upcoming sporting event or people you both know. Remember to use your strong points to start and keep the conversation going.

Keep in touch, but not too much: If you find you are hitting it off with someone, suggest getting together again for coffee, lunch, etc. You should be able to tell right away whether or not that person is interested in seeing you again. If your offer is met with indifference or an excuse why it would be difficult to get together, just smile politely and say, “It was nice to have met you.” If the person is also interested in getting together, exchange phone numbers and call when you say you will. Be wary of calling too often and inviting that person out at every chance you get. Too much enthusiasm may work against you.

Be a good friend: As your new friendship grows, you will have many opportunities to be a real friend. Listen without judging or giving advice, be trustworthy by keeping your friend’s secrets and always be honest with your feelings. It takes time to build a deep friendship. But if you work together, both of you will be rewarded with a relationship that could last the rest of your lives.

Karen Correll is a content producer for the Relationships channel. You can contact her at kcorrell@icanonline.net.

By Karen Correll
iCan News Service, staff writer
icanonline.net
November 13, 2000