Use caution, intuition for online dating
What do you think of when online dating is mentioned?
For some, it means a new world of opportunity to connect with a special someone. For others, it may set off alarms and fright.

In most ways dating on the Internet is like dating anywhere. There are a few things you would do to care for yourself in any environment.

One advantage of many dating Web sites is you can use their confidential e-mail systems so you don’t have to give your name or real contact information, you are known only by a number.

The rules

So, first rule is don’t give your real name or contact information until you are confident you trust the person you’re dealing with. This doesn’t mean you have to be paranoid. Just use caution and go slowly. How can you be sure the person is who they say they are? Is there a third party with whom you could check, even the person’s employer just to verify he works where he says he does. If you are going to communicate through regular e-mail, set up a separate e-mail address through a Web company such as Yahoo! or Hotmail rather than use your local service provider.

Second rule: Trust your intuition. If for any reason you notice you’re not comfortable with the kinds of questions another is asking or if another seems to not be responsive to your questions, pay attention. As Jimmy Buffet likes to say, “Roll with the punches, and play out your hunches!”

Aks questions, listen to answers
Some things to watch for:

Is the information the person gives you consistent? Note things about work, hobbies, places the person has lived. Do you know anyone who’s lived where the person says he or she has lived so you can ask some informed questions?
Will the person only talk to you during unusual hours? Can you arrange to have him or her call you at a friend’s house rather than on your own number?
Do the person give you direct answers to direct questions? Again, use your intuition.
Are he or she willing to meet you in a public place with one of your friends as an escort? If not, why?

Take responsibility

You don’t have to become a private detective to do online dating, but you do have to take complete responsibility. Trust is fragile in any relationship. Make sure you’re building your new online relationships based on integrity and responsibility. A little exaggeration about weight or thinning hair is one thing, but you must find the place where things are just too far out of kilter for you.

Many people connect with a special someone everyday on an Internet dating service. You can, too. Just don’t forget that magical love or even close friendships have to be nurtured. Most of all, don’t loose yourself in cyberspace fantasy and forget to keep your integrity in tact.

Dr. Barry Tuchfield has a Ph.D. in sociology from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, Tenn. He is a vice-president for ENVISIX, the home of datingfaces.com.

By Dr. Barry Tuchfeld
iCan News Service, contributor
July 24, 2000