I recently saw a British TV show that profiled a woman who works as a sex surrogate in France. The way she worked seemed very professional and I’m interested in this type of service. When I did a search for sex-surrogate services in Toronto, I didn’t get hits. I’m looking for someone to help me with a lack of sexual knowledge and I don’t think an escort is the way to go. Is this type of service available in Toronto?

Yes it is, but the accessibility of sex surrogates — practitioners who both talk though and have sex with clients to resolve their issues — is substantially more limited than it is in Europe and the States. Dr. Frank Sommers (http://www.drsommers.com) is one sex therapist in Toronto who works with sexual-therapy practitioners (STPs — this is the proper term for them). He does so only on an extremely exclusive and collaborative basis, and he has been doing so for about 30 years.

“The treatment is not available [in Canada] without a therapist,” says Dr. Sommers, “it’s my decision.” Dr. Sommers says that he has had great success with this type of treatment, and he is sure, in fact, that it has saved lives. When you consider all the people who could benefit from learning about their sexuality in such an intimate way, this exclusivity strikes me as unfair. It seems there’s a fear of being aligned with prostitution. STPs are determined to not be perceived as sex trade workers, which forces them to imply, by virtue of their argument, that prostitution is wrong. If we legitimized prostitution, then we wouldn’t have to worry so much about how either of these jobs are perceived. In an ideal scenario, it would simply become obvious that they are two separate vocations, because no doubt there are many prostitutes who are not anxious to be viewed as therapists, either, but there probably are some who would choose to become STPs if the option was more widely available.

“If we had a different regulatory system, it would be different,” says Dr. Sommers, “but if you are adamant you can avail yourself of the services in the States. The best connection is through IPSA, the International Professional Surrogates Association.”
WARTS AND ALL

I recently contracted a case of genital warts. For several weeks I’ve been going to the doctor’s to have my penis frozen in an attempt to clear up the problem. Not only is this a fairly unpleasant experience, but my doctor tells me that while I can eliminate the existing warts, there is no cure, and that I can spread the warts even if I use a condom religiously. He urges me to tell any future partners about my condition, and while I can see his point, I’m kind of concerned that talking about my warty penis might ruin the mood. I have a new girlfriend I would love to sleep with — what are my chances of spreading this after I finish my treatment? Just how does one tell someone about something like this? I certainly wasn’t warned in advance, and I get the feeling a whole bunch of people who have been exposed aren’t telling anyone. And what about oral sex — I’ve never used condoms before with oral, and know that many people don’t like the taste or sensation. What should I do? IMPATIENT

My theory is that doctors are now being so exigent about people telling all partners because for years they were unclear about how warts related to HPV (human papilloma virus), and they currently have an HPV epidemic on their hands. It was not long ago that I discovered that HPV, like herpes, is something you have forever. Not only that, it’s a highly resourceful virus, with over 35 different types that can make the genital area their home. I must say I find it quite difficult to keep information about HPV straight, especially since certain strains can develop into anal or cervical cancer if they’re left untreated. Condoms only help on areas that are covered, though some people seem to get rid of the virus after the initial outbreak. This makes discussing it with partners a difficult decision because it involves ethics, pride, health and an understanding of something that is quite ambiguous — a really scary combination.

Have I told everyone I’ve ever slept with I have HPV? No. Have I made efforts to protect those people who were not aware of the potential? Yes. Has anyone ever told me about a sexually transmitted infection they had before I slept with them? Not once. Do I assume, then, that they don’t have them? Not any more! I feel that my health is my responsibility. You must make your own decisions about how you will deal with having HPV, but I think you can also lessen your burden by not turning your penis into a pariah. You’d be surprised how many people have HPV, along with a myriad of other things, once you start talking to others about it. By the way, despite their unwieldiness, female condoms are considered an excellent choice as they cover more skin area than male ones.
WALKING AWAY FROM THE STREETLIGHT

Re: Pretty Fucked-Up Woman, Love Bites, Oct. 16, 2003. We would like to remind you that Streetlight Support Services provides options and assistance to people considering leaving the sex trade. In a nonjudgmental atmosphere we support all people involved in sex work: current workers, ex-workers and people in transition. We address such issues as career development, personal empowerment, addictions, domestic violence, and so on. There is computer/internet access, employment assistance, a client food bank, grief counselling, holistic healing and many other services. Streetlight has been here for seven years to empower pros who are interested in exploring other career options. I have the greatest respect for people who choose this business (I did), but also know the challenges of getting out. It’s all about your personal choices. WENDY HARRIS, STREETLIGHT SUPPORT SERVICES

I think it’s also fair to remind people that Streetlight is funded by the City of Toronto, and it came out of city task force whose mandate is to reduce street prostitution. According to Robert at the street outreach program known as Maggie’s (416-964-0150, email maggiesbellnet.ca), Streetlight has been proactive in raids on massage parlours and strip clubs, sometimes accompanying the police on busts, when they suggest to individuals being charged that they could take the six-week diversion program rather than face prostitution charges. Of course, many women who get caught up in this presumptuous dragnet simply take the Streetlight course to avoid charges. Streetlight is also responsible for John School — where no, men are not taught how to properly treat a sex worker after they’ve been aggressive or disrespectful towards one, but given the same diversion option.

I’m personally more a fan of the Maggie’s approach, it’s less coercive. The only time Maggie’s intervenes is to make sure women are safer at work, and of course, if someone wants to look at other work options, they offer them too.

BY SASHA
Email Sasha at sashaeye.net or send your questions to Sasha c/o eye, 70 Peter St., Toronto, M5V 2G5.