Q: How do you feel about using the Internet to find relationships?
A: There was a time when I thought that Internet relationships were probably bad news. Then, it happened to me.

A little more than two years ago, I was minding my own business, checking my e-mail, when I opened a message that would change my life. It was from a schoolteacher who was doing some research on disabilities because she was going to have a student with a disability in her class. She came across my Web site and sent me some questions. After I responded, we continued to correspond, and to make a long story short, we are now engaged.

So, of course, now I see the benefits of using the Internet for finding relationships. However, although mine is a success story, I still think that you need to be careful. Like any relationship, you need to take your time and get to know the other person. Here are some tips I feel will help make it work:

Honesty: The great thing about e-mail is that, if you?re honest with each other, you can really get to know each other for who you are. Honesty, though, is the key. You?ve got to be honest, and it takes a great leap of faith to trust that the person you?re having the relationship with is being honest also. This is especially true when it comes to your disability. I?ve always been open, honest and have answered any question asked. If it?s ever going to work, this is essential.

Personal information: Although it?s important to be honest, it?s also important to protect yourself. Don?t give out personal information such as your address or telephone number right away. Wait until you really feel that you know the person. Unfortunately in the real world, there are people who are out to take advantage of anyone who may be vulnerable. Just be careful.

Pictures: Let?s face it, appearance is a big part of dating. For most of us, what?s inside is the most important, but there still has to be some level of physical attraction. It?s just human nature. However, don?t rush it. Wait awhile before you exchange pictures. Take the time to find out what?s inside first. After awhile, offer your own picture, and request one in kind.

Intimacy: OK, most call it cybersex. Don?t jump into this too quickly. Like any new relationship, it?s best to wait before you make this move. If this is all you?re looking for, you?ll never have a healthy relationship. Start slow. Flirting can be very fun, and, if you?re both comfortable with the situation, it will eventually lead to more intimate conversation.

Meeting: Eventually, you?ll want to meet face to face. It?s always a good idea to meet at a mutually agreed upon, public location. You may even want to bring a friend for support. Once the initial awkwardness is over, have a good time. Just go with the flow, and you?ll find that you?ll soon feel as comfortable with the other person as you would through e-mail.

The future: Like any other relationship, you have to decide if you?re going to stick with it. Do you want to keep it a cyber relationship, or do you want more? If you both want more, there?s something big you need to consider: location. The Internet brings together people who, under other circumstances, may not have ever met. You could both live in the same town, but there?s a very real chance that you could live thousands of miles apart. Before it gets too serious, you both need to decide if it will work. Be realistic. If you both want to pursue it, someone will eventually need to change location. This is something best discussed and decided on early in the relationship.

I hope these tips help. Remember, if you?re willing to do what it takes, you can make it work. It may be difficult, but it could turn out to be well worth it in the end. Trust me; I speak from experience.

George Butera has been paralyzed from the shoulders down since he was 18 years old. Send your thoughts or questions on dating and romance to him at mailto:guyspoint@icanonline.net

Incanonline.net
March 19, 2001